Creative Every Day November 11

"No positive change can occur in my life as long as I cling to the thought that the reason for my not living well lies outside myself." Terry Hershey

To warm up this morning, I continued on with a new canvas by painting cool colors over warm. The random marks don't bother me. It's suppose to be this way. Out of randomness comes the picture that wants to be born like Michelangelo sculptures emerging from stone. He probably knew where he was going every step of the way, and he still had to follow seams existing in the stone itself. And so I put down marks that are random and layer by layer something, I don't know anything about just now will emerge. In this way the turtle girl I'd never met before came out of the chaos.

At this point in the painting, I don't have that feeling of reckless abandon. This morning I'm asking myself what's working and what's not working. How do I keep every little stroke from becoming too precious, too thought out, too deliberate? How do I keep letting go rather than painting like someone who is fearful of losing something? Unlike the earlier stage of another painting, I can't paint "no regrets" on this one. This one's a keeper. I really love the central part of this canvas. There's the turtle walking its path in peace, sticking to it with determination and serenity. There's the busy fluttery butterfly, the end stage of a big transition that only lives for a day. And there she is, the impatient girl coming out of nowhere who is learning to fly, and at the same time loves that sure steadiness at her foundation.

I've outlined some areas in the side panels and I'm thinking those marks will disappear. I think she is being born form we don't know what, and we don't need to know. There's a trick to keeping what is working and changing the rest, but I don't know what it is. Yet.

Baruch ata adonai....how do I walk the line between letting go and having to know? Anything I need or want or hope to be is already in me right now. Help me to live with the mystery. Amen

Creatie Every Day November 10

Just a quickie today to show you my studio non-light fixture newly  assembled.

 I wish you could see this better. There are glass hearts and devil heads and tin hearts from Mexico, a small doll given to me at Artfest, bulbs and stars originally from thrift shops, the shooting star at the top and the angel and a bird nest you can't see and the birds on the right came from an art group tail gate party. It is so much fun, and it's very difficult to get a picture of. Surrounding it are cards I make, and my grandson's art. If you've ever made an assemblage like this, please send me a pictured. 

Creative Every Day November 9

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The first layers in any of my paintings consist of putting down warm colors, then cool colors, then black and white. If this were an art therapy class, this would have told the story of a time in my life when I was trying to make sense of what was happening and create some sort of order.

And then order came in my life and I didn't want to work on that subject anymore.  So on top of that layer I started again. I knew in starting again, with "no regrets" I would still find myself in some sort of chaos for awhile. I know in starting over, I'm still dealing with myself and my ability and my willingness to be brave and bold and most importantly, being able to let go of preconceived conceptions about what this painting "should" look like. Once restarted, I would continue on.

Definitely in transition on this one. I showed a version of it before. I love that the idea of a woman riding a turtle came up. Today I've been working on calming and simplifying the area around her. I'm excited to discover where it will go next.

Sometimes we just need to restart, return to go, but after getting to go with "no regrets" I still had to strike out again and get through the chaotic stage of new beginnings. Painting is so much like real life!

Creative Every Day Post

Last year I found this light fixture in a San Francisco recycle store. It became an assemblage featuring jewelry especially earrings, ribbons, Miss Piggy and other characters. Most things came from give aways or from SCRAP, an art supply warehouse containing  the dreams of every artist and everything recycled and inexpensive.

Yesterday I took everything off and started rebuilding it. For me it's the focal point of my studio.

My guiding principle now is to use stuff I already have. The picture in the lower right is a chandelier from a magazine with silverware dangles. I've accumulated some children's silverware I'll add to this. I'll send the finished picture this weekend.

The Past Few Days

Dear Readers,

If you've been following my blog, you can see this isn't my usual format. I'm participating in an art challenge and every few days I want to post to that and can't figure out how to do it unless I publish this. So consider this a bonus or more junk in your mailbox. I know there are lots of ways to accomplish this, but I'm not in on the tech of any of that. Barbara

Creating art has been easier than getting the pictures to my blog. The whole thing has been constipated and I am frustrated!! So, calming my feathers, and taking a deep breath, I'm hoping this is going to get to Creative Every Day.

I've been making bookmarks and hang tags from my painting remnants and from drawings I've done. We are in a wine growing area and soon I'm going to go to some wine shops and see if they would like them for hang tags for gift bottles. Today I met with a graphic artist who really likes my designs, who will work with me, and who has a contact who licenses drawings like mine. Even if it's not my "and away we go" moment, it's pretty exciting. Think really good and positive thoughts!

This painting is moving along. I've completed an online class with Flora Bowley on intuitive painting, but I certainly haven't finished the work! This image seems to be evolving, and as usual, there are parts I wish survived into the next painting session.

Now she is standing on top of something, and it looks like she has a tennis racket next to her. I don't know what that's about, but I think the racket will disappear and way too much green. It will go too.

Blooming At Last

"In a world that just keeps getting faster, increasingly more complex and loaded with never-ending expectations, I continually need to remind myself to be gentle, both with myself and with the people around me. For me, being gentle is about softening and allowing. It's about letting go of my grip on how I want things to be and allowing things to just be the way that they are. In this way, being gentle is also about acceptance." Flora Bowley

This weekend I completed a five week online class on intuitive painting with Flora Bowley. I've taken classes from Flora before both online and twice in Mexico, and this is the first time I feel as though I have overcome myself, been gentle and patient enough to soothe the inner angsty voices and paint on anyhow.

This process involves putting down layer after layer of acrylic paint until the painting works its way from a mess, from the unknown, from stuck, to something that begins to speak to me, to something that seems to want to be born on this canvas. I have no painting background and no particular skill I bring to this process except determination, except knowing I want so much to let go, and when I do, I will stand on the other side of what I know now.

Lots of potential in this one. I love the colors. It's maybe the fifth layer I've put on.

Several days later it looks like this. You can still see bits of the painting above and now it's kind of an underwater scene. I like it a lot. I fuss with it a few days, and I am stuck. I don't know where to go next. Time for radical change.

Tuesdays and Fridays Flora demonstrated the daily lesson on two paintings she began the first day. They were about as big a mess or full of possibilities, whichever you might want to call it, as the rest of us were making. We compared notes and shared our paintings and emotional journey on a private Facebook page. This day she added a flower or maybe it was a fireworks burst, and I ran with that idea. I wanted to see how she did it.

I love this painting, because it feels as finished as I can make it and because it is the first time I painted effortlessly and with abandon. Even though what you see are blooms, each of the many layers I added is still there and adds to the whole. I've named the painting Blooming at Last.  It's on my studio wall as an acknowledgement that I can let go, I can move through many layers of paint and emotional uncertainty, and I can do it while being gentle with myself.

Baruch ata adonai...I've struggled with this process for years and something in me wouldn't let go. I know this painting is the beginning of a breakthrough in all parts of me. Thank you. Amen

Help Me To Have Faith In Myself

"Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough." George Washington Carver

My takeaway from everything coming in my front door (vision books, equine therapy, painting ) teaches me to listen to my heart, to listen to my intuition, to pay exquisite attention to connections, to messiness, to loss, to the unknown. This week's online art class has to do with being brave, with the ability to reach outside of my comfort zone and stretch boldly beyond what I know of my life and my abilities.  In my life, the unknown, my husband's dementia, will continue on, and I will can either define myself as being at a personal growing edge or falling into the abyss. I'm guessing it will be a lot of each, and yet, if I use painting as a metaphor, something totally unexpected can arise if I allow it to enter, if I don't rigidify with old thoughts and old feelings about not being able to do art or life.

As a piece of art therapy, considering what I've just written, I think this painting might say that's exactly where I am. Believe me, it looks a lot better as a small copy than as a 30x30 canvas. I spent the morning working on a second canvas with a similar amount of energy and created something that intrigues my growing edge. When I came to this one, I decided I needed to be a lot calmer. I needed to create a new starting place and so I did. I felt better instantly.

Tomorrow when I paint again, I will be guided by the past which shows through and the present, a softer more open and friendly place to begin again. It takes courage to paint either way. Perhaps the first painting would resolve itself into something I would love, and yet at the pivot point, I thought it took a lot of courage to say, "No, that's not a path I want to continue on, and I can make another choice." Actually it is all part of a single painting. I could have totally painted it over using opaque paints rather than transparent ones.  Perhaps what comes of this will look a lot like the shadows seen in the background or that might look like the starting place of something entirely new. For me it is a conscious choice to be warmer, softer, more accepting and loving toward myself and my work.

"I've come to believe that standing back is far scarier than falling in. Standing back and being aware of it makes us feel stuck, makes us feel afraid, makes us feel less than. When we let ourselves fall in, we fall into our courage. We fall into our strength. We fall into our power and our worth. We fall into ourselves and our joy and meaning." Maria Shriver

Thanks this week and often to Terry Hershey whose blog, Sabbath Moment (tdh@terryhershey.com) is full of all kinds of inspiration and to Sister Barbara who pointed me in his direction.

Baruch ata adonai....I am full of gratitude for the opportunities in my life which lead me to growth and richness. In the days ahead may I be willing to reach in and out in equal amounts. If I only reach in, I will drain my well. If I only reach out, I will lose my balance. Help me to have faith in myself. Amen