Monday, July 15, 2013

One, Two, Three, Jump.

"I love a broad margin to my life." Thoreau

In the past, I've written of the need for less dense paragraphs and wider margins in my life. Then I'm either ensnarled within the sticky but compelling dark inner workings of my psyche or in an effort not to think about that, doing much too much in the outer world. After being in neutral the past few weeks, doing not too much of anything at the cabin and most recently having my family up for a super weekend of kayaking, rock climbing and eating, a wonderful expanse of time devoted to watching my grandchildren stretch themselves in the mountains, I'm ready to pick up the bits of me that gave me so much pleasure during the winter.

Today I feel a gnawing inside. I've enjoyed almost continual reading the past few weeks and now I'm tired of being immersed in the lives of others; I feel that enjoyment turning into avoidance of what I need to get back to. Painting is hard work for me, until it turns the corner into total pleasure and discovery. Today I need to get back to the challenge part of painting so I can reclaim the wonderful aha of the passage from toil to delight which is a turn in the bend, of course, just before feeling lost and then found again. Today the need to start is far greater than the need to go to the bookstore and find a lovely saga of 650 pages that will put me on the couch for a marathon of page turning.

I feel about this big today. About as big as my tiny three year old granddaughter talking with my labradoodle, Gracie. There I am, and there is my easel looming in front of me, much much bigger than I.

I wanted to show you how I'm looking in my various "Our Lady of Possibilities" guises, but then I remembered before I post any of my original work, I'm going to learn how to watermark. I'll learn that today!

Baruch ata adonai...starting up again offers the blessings of challenge and acceptance, of tending to my soul and tending to the bits of me that start yammering and stamping their feet and demanding attention, just like any seven year old. May I be gentle with myself. Amen

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