The Freedom of Silence

"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is that state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective human conditioning. " Eckhart Tolle, Silence Speaks

This weekend I spent two days in virtual silence. The silence I'm talking about is the silence of internal dialogue, dialogue that saps my joy of creation as it nitpicks and natters mindlessly for its own purposes. This weekend I painted and constructed a book and bookmarks and participated in Skype conferences with my seven year old granddaughter about a book she's writing that I'm illustrating, in total freedom from myself. Only now do I realize why I slept so peacefully last night. I had escaped my boundaries.

As I write about that silence now, and only in retrospect do I recognize it for what it was, I observe it has abandoned me or rather I have abandoned it. Just now comments about getting it right, not getting it right, rewriting, retyping and a loss of confidence in my ability to find out what I think are in charge. I'm no longer involved in the joy of writing and thinking. I'm concerned about exposing myself.

How great to understand all this before breakfast. My inner critic reports to me that all this is quite banal, and I respond, "to you it might be, but to me it is simply amazing." I refuse to get into a conversation with myself about who is who or whom is whom.

Baruch ata adonai...I am so grateful to have spent the past two days in monklike silence. Now I know I can create peacefully and joyfully without continual critical references drawn from the past and no longer true in the present. Thank you. Amen















creating painted paper, using it to make a book, and illustrating a book my grandchildren are writing.

Morning Musing

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman

What would make me feel most alive today? When I was raising children or had a job, this great expanse of an unscheduled day to do anything I want seldom happened. Everyone who reads this today will wish this were their biggest problem of the day. I can hear one friend, you know who you are, telling me to shut up, go eat breakfast and stop thinking so hard. The day opens before me, and I can do anything I want, but this day starts with a requirement: ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. What would I miss if I spent the day in bed? I want this day to mean something.

Baruch ata adonai... I need silence. I need the kind of silence where I'm not talking to anyone and especially not to myself. I hear you saying, "and don't talk to me either." I think I'll make prayer flags today and see where they take me. Then I'll give them all away. Amen