"When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she had always been. But she had wings!" Dean Jackson
I'm in familiar territory. Painting and sweet talking myself. Telling myself to be calm, it's only paint. Telling myself to be brave and bold. I witness my thoughts: happy and confident and then judgmental. It is totally ridiculous. I'm flying and then I'm crawling, then I'm flying again. It isn't a coincidence that Transform is the title of my vision book.
My goal is to change the way I approach painting, and of course, this is a metaphor for the way I sometimes approach my life, isn't it. Isn't that true for you too? Isn't whatever way you're approaching whatever you're doing a metaphor for the way you approach everything? I'm going for gentle. I'm going for stopping before I get frustrated. I'm looking to be calm and kind and nice to myself. I'm trusting my intuition to keep me safe from my inner caterpillar. There is nothing wrong with a caterpillar. In fact I am probably in the caterpillar stage of painting right now, except for when I'm a butterfly. I do love all that flying around looking beautiful. I've created an altar and also some cute little affirmation cards and each day I paint, I remember to honor my inner caterpillar and honor my inner butterfly who is learning how to spread her artist wings.
When my kids were little, we had empty acreage behind our home where milkweed mixed in with grasses and walnut trees, squirrels, field mice, and in season, butterflies. One year we put a stick, a caterpillar and milkweed into a jar, covered it and forgot about it. When we looked much later, we found a butterfly whose wings were glued together because it wasn't allowed to fly.
Baruch ata adonai.... Help me spread my wings. Help me show up for myself. Be with me as I support the part of me doing something she isn't quite sure she will ever be able to do. Isn't that silly? I am doing it. Help me let go of expectations. Please whisper in my ear, "Have fun my dearest." Amen