"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is that state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective human conditioning. " Eckhart Tolle, Silence Speaks
This weekend I spent two days in virtual silence. The silence I'm talking about is the silence of internal dialogue, dialogue that saps my joy of creation as it nitpicks and natters mindlessly for its own purposes. This weekend I painted and constructed a book and bookmarks and participated in Skype conferences with my seven year old granddaughter about a book she's writing that I'm illustrating, in total freedom from myself. Only now do I realize why I slept so peacefully last night. I had escaped my boundaries.
As I write about that silence now, and only in retrospect do I recognize it for what it was, I observe it has abandoned me or rather I have abandoned it. Just now comments about getting it right, not getting it right, rewriting, retyping and a loss of confidence in my ability to find out what I think are in charge. I'm no longer involved in the joy of writing and thinking. I'm concerned about exposing myself.
How great to understand all this before breakfast. My inner critic reports to me that all this is quite banal, and I respond, "to you it might be, but to me it is simply amazing." I refuse to get into a conversation with myself about who is who or whom is whom.
Baruch ata adonai...I am so grateful to have spent the past two days in monklike silence. Now I know I can create peacefully and joyfully without continual critical references drawn from the past and no longer true in the present. Thank you. Amen
creating painted paper, using it to make a book, and illustrating a book my grandchildren are writing.