Reaping What I Sowed

"How often I experience growth and work toward growth as a result of pain and suffering. May I commit myself to growth through joy and happiness. May I believe this is an even more valid means of growth." From a prayer I wrote in 2010.

My art journals from the fall of 2010 through the end of 2011 now look to me as though I planted seeds and knowingly marched on to how I'm feeling about myself now and what I'm doing today. In that year and a quarter, day after day, I wrote poems and prayers and dreams and experimented with ideas for projects and drawings. If you've followed my blog, you know it wasn't a straight line, but rather one moving through angst to joy.

The odd shaped pieces of colored paper came from SCRAP, a San Francisco treasure trove of recycled art supplies. They still have hundreds of these pages with a flag cut out. I can't imagine where they came from. I love the two hole binder ring approach. I was willing to put down anything. I know if I'd started with a bound book I wouldn't have been as uninhibited.

Today after a great meeting with another artist, I decided to go through these journals to see where they might take me today. I farmed them and put together this little book of resources.

The note cards I've been selling this month came from ideas I developed in these journals, but then I had no idea where they would lead me. I was too into the idea of art being hard work rather than fun play.

Somehow through writing this blog, through prayers, through loving my little ladies and seeing where they would take me, I did let go and then I took off. I have ideas for moving my drawings from cards to walls. Or maybe I'll go back to painting fabric. That was something else I found in the journals. Or maybe I'll figure out how to combine the two.

Baruch ata adonai... I'm so glad I documented where I was a few years ago. I can see how far I've come. I am so pleased I've lightened up on myself. What a lovely journey life can be. Amen