"So in your days, when feeling narrow and needing to broaden, when feeling less and needing to deepen, put down what seems certain and reach for what seems clear. Know you are a sun rising and falling along a tenuous horizon, like all the suns before you, strung between forces that both enlarge and shrink your sense of life. It is a beautifully difficult set of tensions that only those blessed to be alive can experience." Mark Nepo, Finding Inner Courage
During the past week of laying low, of healing from changes in time, culture, health, sore ribs and a sense of missing something I so looked forward to, I felt lethargy set in. Though I was better in every way, it was hard to channel enthusiasm, to set up a new art endeavor, to get my mind and body moving. I felt like I was hauling a great weight, but that's only in my mind. Yesterday we visited our son and grandchildren and the demands of three children seven and under are immediate, urgent and fun. I think I'm closer to taking charge of my life.
This morning it seems clear I must go for a walk, start a new art project and find something for dinner I'll enjoy cooking. I need to rise up and know I'm blessed to be alive and experience living again.
Baruch ata adonai...I feel as though I'm being reborn, as though there is something I need to know that isn't quite formed enough for me to hold on to. I think I'm coming back to best self. I hope so. Amen