Monday, April 15, 2013
I Am Worthy, Yes I Am. Repeat.
"Yes, we are totally exposed when we are vulnerable. Yes, we are in the torture chamber that we call uncertainty. And, yes, we're taking a huge emotional risk when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. But there's no equation where taking risks, braving uncertainty, and opening ourselves up to emotional exposure equals weakness."
Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
I'm just starting Brene's book, thank you Flora, and I'm only in chapter two. It's already dogeared. Just this very weekend, just a few days ago, I felt off balance, cranky, sad, and I didn't know why. Then I read a few chapters in, and yes, I was feeling vulnerable. But why? And more so, what was the cause of that feeling and how quickly could I escape. I told my sorry story to a friend. I knew I had to reach out quickly before I could tell myself too big a story about it. Well, guess what? You know what. Because she is a very good listener and because she could identify a similar experience, the story she told me was put in a way that I understood a part of the seed I had planted in myself. As I read, I'm learning more about how vulnerability works.
I'm hoping some of you might start reading Daring Greatly, or if you have, start talking with me about it in the comments section. I's a book worth buying. One of the things I'm working on with myself as I write and add my art on my blogs, as I show my paintings, is to disconnect my feeling of self worth from the comments I do or don't receive. It's easy to attach my self worth to the number of comments that come in. It's easy to attach my self worth to the way people offer feedback on my art. What if you love it? That's great, just as long as I don't bump up my feeling of self worth because of it or feel shame because you don't. We are so complicated!
Baruch ata adonai...I take a lot of chances in life. May I continue to do so. May I move ahead bravely. May I not believe all my inner voices: not the misguided ones that whisper venom or the cheerleaders who rah rah me into believing anything can happen as long as I jump up and down cheer loud enough. What's important to me now is to love the doing of what I'm doing. And I do. Amen