Monday, April 8, 2013
Willing to be Vulnerable
Aha! I've been wanting to add pictures to my blog, and today I had just the right combination of courage and willingness to turn my face toward vulnerability and my back to perfectionism. I am quivering with excitement. Not a big deal to many of you, but I know my oldest truest friends are impressed if not amazed. Right? I've been having great fun painting colorful papers to use for cards I'm creating. Cut down to card and bookmark size these are art pieces I'm quite proud of.
This is a time of challenging my willingness to show myself or stay in my shadows forever. Yesterday my husband helped me hang five of my paintings on the walls of my living room, studio and office. Out of the stack of humble canvases leaning against the wall, the stack of mistakes and imperfections and learnings, five hang honorably and proudly for all to see. I'm definitely embracing my vulnerability with love and delight! They look great.
Friday I had a facial treatment and the dermatologist left me beet red and required I stay inside, shades drawn, for 48 hours. Today I move on with my life. My cover story: jetting to sunny Hawaii for the weekend. Staying inside for two days no matter how well I entertained myself, no matter how much fun I had painting and drawing then cleaning out cabinets, is debilitating. When I took a walk after dark, I noticed I felt unsafe on my own block. How much more so if I had been feeling sorry for myself and stayed in a bathrobe for those two days. Our world can diminish us if we let it, and that can become the story of our lives.
Baruch ata adonai...baby steps and then a breakthrough, a willingness to be vulnerable and show parts of myself kept in dark safe vaults. I'm taking a big deep breath. I'm feeling energized. What's next? I'm moving slowly but surely to something that will require everything I'm learning and practicing now, and I have no idea what it is. I know I'm willing. I know I'm moving forward, and I know my eyes are open. Amen