Just a Minute, I Have to Interrupt Myself

I've had a hard time getting to a starting point this morning. I've changed the first sentence several times, and also googled two unrelated items still on my mind from yesterday, and also tried to find something else to write about. I started with this quote from Natalie Goldberg."Actually every time we begin, we wonder how we ever did it before. Each time is a journey with no maps," which defines where we all are when confronted by a blank page or canvas or even a day itself. And I want to write about something I read yesterday in The End of Your Life Book Club by Will Schwalbe who with his mother start a "book club" as her life comes to a close. The point I'm still pondering comes from a book they're discussing by Jon Kabat Zinn who writes about how we know it's wrong to interrupt each other and yet we constantly interrupt ourselves.

So here I am squirming at the intersection of the blank page and repeatedly interrupting myself. I'm leaning toward scrapping the whole idea and not sending out a prayer this morning, but with a mind this disorderly I need to pull together and start the day not with giving up but with moving through. So why do I, we, interrupt ourselves? Why is looking up something NOW more important than finishing a thought I'm meandering through? I can tell you, taking a break to check email or google something really really important didn't help me a bit. I have only a great example of being stuck to offer you today. 

Baruch ata adonai...may I be tender with myself. I know this is how mindfulness works: watching the interruptions. Is this who I am today? Number One interrupter of my life? May I be tender, and gentle, and forgiving even as I push send on this tangle of thoughts. And yes, I will agree to sit quietly a few minutes and not interrupt those few minutes....OK. Amen